SUMMARY: Michael fends off the romantic interest of a female coworker who doesn't know he's gay and instead dates a handsome chiropractor, while Brian is propositioned by a potentially lucrative client of his firm. Meanwhile, Justin struggles to repair his fractured relationship with his mother Jennifer.
FADE IN: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY
The bed. Slow pan up the hairy legs of a muscled, naked TRICK sleeping on his left side. Beside him is a sleeping Brian, laying on his back with a sheet pulled up to his waist. Trick turns over, then Brian rolls over. Knock at the door. Brian looks over his shoulder.
BRIAN
Who the hell are you?
TRICK
[pops his head up] I'm the guy you fucked last night.
BRIAN
Oh, yeah.
Trick lays back down.
BRIAN
Were you any good?
Trick pops back up, stares, then falls back down. Another knock at the door.
BRIAN
[sits up, annoyed] Okay, I'm coming! [to Trick] And you're going. [rolls out of bed as Trick sits up]
INT. FRONT DOOR
No shirt and zipping his pants, Brian walks to the door and slides it open. Lindsay, holding Gus, bounces in.
LINDSAY
Hi, we just happened to be in the neighborhood, so I-- [sees Trick, his back to them, pulling up his jeans in the bedroom] Are we interrupting something?
BRIAN
Not at all. We're all done.
TRICK
[joins them, pulling on a tank top] This your kid?
LINDSAY
Um, yes.
TRICK
Oh ho, he is precious!
Smiling softly, Brian takes Gus. He stares at Trick when the guy leans over Gus and starts with the baby talk.
TRICK
Hello! Hello! Oh, baby, hello, baby, hello... [glances up, realizing he's not exactly being Mr. Macho Man, gets butch with Brian] We'll do this again.
BRIAN
[dry] Yeah, sure. [smiles at Gus]
Trick leaves.
LINDSAY
Let me guess, your Italian tutor? [dangles a plastic toy ring]
BRIAN
[takes toy] Gratzi.
LINDSAY
You know, if you visited once in a while, we wouldn't need to drop by unannounced. [puts the diaper bag down and goes into the kitchen for a bottled water]
BRIAN
Talk to your girlfriend.
LINDSAY
You can't exactly blame her. The way you behave.
BRIAN
She's just jealous, because she thinks you love me more than you love her. And she's right.
LINDSAY
Look, we have a child now. [puts the water down, leaves the kitchen]
BRIAN
Yeah, you and me.
LINDSAY
And Melanie. So, one way or another, we all have to get along.
BRIAN
[rolls his eyes, long suffering] I'll try. If she douches.
Lindsay fake laughs. Gus yawns and Brian mimics him with a soft sound before handing him back.
LINDSAY
I thought we could try something small. A nice, civilized, home cooked meal.
BRIAN
Seasoned with a dash of rat poison.
LINDSAY
I was thinking garlic. There's a chicken thing I wanna try. It has forty cloves. [gets her bag] Could you stomach that?
BRIAN
The chicken or Melanie?
LINDSAY
[goes to the door] Friday? Early? So you can still hit the bars?
Brian stares. Smiling, she leaves. He rolls his eyes.
CUT TO: INT. THE BIG Q - DAY
Check-out lane. Boxes of Kittie Bites cat food are scanned. A female CUSTOMER is holding out a coupon.
CUSTOMER
I have thirty-five cents off of Kittie Bites.
MARLEY
Oh, we do coupons in the end. And, uh, that one expired in 1992.
MICHAEL
[walks over behind the register] Marley, you free tonight?
MARLEY
You know how long I've been waiting for a man to ask me that?
MICHAEL
[flips through a binder from under the counter] I need somebody to stay late to help me with the inventory.
Tracy, few registers over, overhears.
MARLEY
Oh, sorry, I've got church choir practice.
MICHAEL
Well, that's a new excuse.
MARLEY
How many times can my great grandmother be on her deathbed?
They both grin. Michael crouches to replace the binder.
CUSTOMER
I have a coupon for the Johnny Bowl, too.
MARLEY
I'm just flushed with excitement, Princess.
TRACY
Mike, if you need somebody to stay late, I'm free.
MICHAEL
[pops up] You are? That'll be great. It'll only take a couple hours.
TRACY
[mouths] Okay. [turns back to her customer]
MARLEY
She wouldn't mind if it took all night.
MICHAEL
[disapproving] Marley. [walks away, talking to Tracy as he passes] So we meet after closing.
TRACY
Great, I'll see you then. [happy, she raises her eyebrows at Marley]
MARLEY
Just be careful you two don't get caught on the surveillance cameras. [laughs]
Tracy grins. A shot of Michael in the background shows him annoyed.
CUT TO: INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY
Jennifer on a couch.
JENNIFER
We used to share things. We... enjoyed each other.
Shot of the female THERAPIST sitting across from her, listening.
JENNIFER
But now, I, uh, talk to him, he slams the door, runs away. And he lies.
We see Justin on the couch, leaning over the coffee table and playing with a pile of candies, unhappy.
JENNIFER
He says he's spending the night at Daphne's, but I know he's not. And I found things.
THERAPIST
What sort of things?
Justin winces, rubbing his eye before sliding that hand up into his hair with a sigh.
JENNIFER
Um, drawings, sketches, that he did... of men. [long pause] Naked.
Therapist looks at Justin. Without ever actually looking at Justin, Jennifer turns toward him.
JENNIFER
I just have... to know... [turns her body away from him, facing forward again]
THERAPIST
If Justin might be gay?
Long pause. Jennifer sighs. Justin looks from her to the therapist then back down to his candies.
JENNIFER
He's only seventeen. He's too young to be having those feelings to be... [turns to him] Justin, how can you possibly know now who you are?
Justin stares at her.
THERAPIST
Justin. [he looks over] Do you have anything to say?
Long pause.
JUSTIN
[licks his lips] I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick. I wanna suck dick. I like sucking dick. And I'm good at it, too.
THERAPIST
Well... that's a start.
Jennifer gives them both a WTF look.
CUT TO: INT. RYDER ADVERTISING AGENCY - DAY
Conference room. Shot of a Telson Tires display. Brian, at the head of table, pitches to MARVIN TELSON and his two people. Brian's boss, MARTY RYDER, and six other employees round out the table.
BRIAN
Your existing campaign is solid, Mr. Telson, but you need more muscle to break out of the boring, family market box.
Sitting back in his chair, Marvin twirls a pen and doesn't look dazzled.
BRIAN
Target males, of course, eighteen to thirty-four. Feature speed, fashion, visibility. [glances at Ryder without a pause in his pitch while Ryder looks at Marvin] You sponsored a NASCAR team, but you need a campaign to max the investment. TV, print, selected websites...
Marvin sighs and leans forward.
RYDER
[standing] Just so you know, Mr. Telson, Brian is our most dynamic and creative account exec, his campaigns have won Cleo awards for us...
MARVIN
Uh huh, that's impressive... for you. How does that translate to national sales for me? [smiles at Brian]
RYDER
Well, uh, maybe you'd like to sit down and flesh out the strategy with him. He's also, uhh, one hell of a host.
Marvin gathers his things.
RYDER [OS]
He can get you into all the top restaurants. He can get you the best tickets to the games. [has walked to the head of the table to stand at Brian's side, arms crossed and smiling] Tell me, do you like baseball, Mr. Telson?
MARVIN
[stands, heads for the door with his people] I'm pretty tired after the flight this morning and I got a full set of meetings tomorrow.
BRIAN
Well, how about tomorrow night? The Pirates are playing. And we have company seats on the first baseline.
MARVIN
[turns to Brian from the door] Well, if I have any time, I'll give you a call.
Ryder lets them out.
MAN
We'll let you know.
WOMAN
Thank you very much.
Brian rolls his eyes. Ryder shuts the door after them and storms back to the table.
BRIAN [OS]
I know what the son of the bitch is up to. [Ryder looks at him] He's playing us against every other agency in town. Pumping us for our best ideas, and he'll take them where he wants to.
RYDER
[things in hand, headed for the door] You just make sure where he wants to go is here. [leaves]
Other employees filter out. Brian turns away.
CUT TO: EXT. LIBERTY AVENUE - NIGHT
Night life.
INT. DINER
At a booth: Michael and Ted on the right, Brian and Emmett on the left. Ted steals a fry off Michael's plate. Brian, toothpick in hand, watches two guys sit in the booth behind them.
BRIAN
...and if I don't get this account, I'll be fucked and without lube.
EMMETT
And that's a bad thing?
DEB
[appears, serving tray in hand] It's amazing how you always work anal intercourse into the conversation.
BRIAN
Yeah, you try spending an evening with some back-slapping breeder from Altoona, smoking cigars and talking about pussy.
TED
Oh, I'd love to hear what you have to say about pussy.
BRIAN
That it's a good thing you've got one, because you wouldn't know what to do with a dick.
Emmett dabs at a stain on his shirt.
DEB [OS]
Move over. [sits next to Michael] So, you boys in the mood for something sweet or you gonna pick up a little something at Woody's? [laughs, pinching Michael's cheeks]
MICHAEL
Ma, stop pinching my cheeks.
DEB
Well, bend over so I can pinch the other ones.
Brian laughs as he drinks his water. Everyone else is laughing as Deb slaps the table and gets up.
TED
I've got some tax reports to go over. [taps Michael's shoulder to let him out of the booth]
Emmett is still fussing with his stain, Brian watching him.
EMMETT
I would think after checking out numbers all day, you'd like to come check out some numbers at night.
TED
Well, in light of my recent near-death experience, I've decided to take account of my near-life. Woody's and Babylon are no longer deductible expenses. [leaves]
EMMETT [OS]
He'll be back.
Michael drinks some water.
EMMETT
Looks like it's just us, Three Musketeers.
DEB
[shows up with the check] More like the Pointer sisters.
MICHAEL
I can't go either.
BRIAN
What's your excuse? [sticking the toothpick in his mouth, Brian moves to get money from his pocket]
MICHAEL
I have to go back to the store. We're restocking.
EMMETT
Poor baby, spending the entire evening alone in that dreary crap emporium.
Brian peels off two $20's from a folded stack with a glance at the bill and tosses it on the table.
MICHAEL
Tracy'll be there.
BRIAN
Your bride-to-be?
MICHAEL
She's not my bride-to-be.
BRIAN
Then you can tell her who you really are.
Michael shakes his head.
EMMETT
I agree. I always say, come clean or don't come at all.
MICHAEL
I can't. Where I work, they laugh at faggots.
BRIAN
The only faggots worth laughing at are the ones that don't tell the truth. Don't be one of those assholes who hides, Mikey. And stop leading her on.
MICHAEL
Who's leading her on? We're counting cartons of toilet paper. [gets up, annoyed]
BRIAN
Yeah, which you can use because you're so full of shit. [smacks the bill and cash to the table edge]
Michael leaves. With his arm along the back of the booth, Brian swats the back of Emmett's neck.
EMMETT
Don't touch me.
Brian laughs.
CUT TO: INT. THE BIG Q - NIGHT
Michael, clipboard in hand, walks down an aisle.
MICHAEL
Okay, we've done toilet paper, paper towels, paper napkins, paper plates... [looks around, realizing he's talking to himself] Tracy? Trace?
TRACY
I'm here!
MICHAEL
Where?
We see a ladder with a pair of legs on it.
TRACY
In feminine hygiene. I'm checking pantyliners. Light days and heavy days.
MICHAEL
So, how we doing?
TRACY
We're heavy on light days and light on heavy days.
MICHAEL
Gotcha. Let's move on.
TRACY
It's always work with you. Don't you ever have fun?
MICHAEL
Yeah, I have fun, I have lots of fun.
TRACY
Really? Cos you never wanna go out with us after work.
MICHAEL
I've gone out with you guys.
TRACY
Once! Marley says no one knows what you're really like. That you probably lead this double life.
MICHAEL
She's right. [sets his clipboard down, walking over and being dramatic]
MICHAEL
I'm not who I appear to be. [climbs the opposite side of the ladder to come face to face with her] But you have to promise not to tell anyone. The truth is, when I was a boy I was exposed to a laser light show at a Kiss concert. After that, I developed a strange power to see into people's minds, to read their most private thoughts. [gruff voice, out the side of his mouth] 'I'm going to rob a bank!', [higher voice, out the other side of his mouth] 'I'm going to blow up a bridge!' And since then I set out to prevent crimes before they happen. And my real name... is Laserman! [puffs his chest up, striking a superhero pose]
TRACY
[lays her hand atop his on the ladder] So, Laserman, what am I thinking?
MICHAEL
[looking at their hands, gets uncomfortable] Um, we should probably get back to work. [turns to walk away, forgetting he's on the ladder, and falls] Whua!
TRACY
Mike?!
CUT TO: INT. WOODY'S - NIGHT
A line-up of martini glasses gets taken away to reveal Brian sitting at the bar - drinking something with a lime on the glass edge - as a shirtless Justin struts over.
JUSTIN
Take your shirt off, you get a free drink.
BRIAN
I don't show my tits for watered-down Bud.
JUSTIN
Get me a beer?
BRIAN
Get your own.
JUSTIN
I'm too young.
BRIAN
Well, that's your problem. [looks away then back] You should go home. Your mom's probably worried sick.
JUSTIN
[snorts] She's pathetic. She took me to a fucking waste of time therapist.
Brian takes a drink, sets it down. Stares at Justin a beat.
BRIAN
Maybe she's trying to understand you.
JUSTIN
I don't want her to understand me. I want her to leave me alone. What did your parents do when they found out that you were... y'know, gay.
BRIAN
[shrugs] They didn't do anything. [spots a hottie, then turns back to Justin] Because I never told them.
JUSTIN
[incredulous] You didn't?
BRIAN
[snorts and stands] It's not their life. [catches Hottie's eye in the wall mirror behind the bar, then turns to Justin] I don't need their approval. [walks away, on the hunt]
Justin is left to ponder. Until he spots Daphne.
JUSTIN
[frowns in confusion] Daph?
DAPHNE
[threads the crowd] Please don't kill me! I mean-- It's not my fault.
JUSTIN
What's not your fault?
DAPHNE
My mom answered, she said you weren't there. I didn't know what to do.
JUSTIN
[laughs] I don't know what you're talking about. [sees his mom in the crowd] Fuck me...
Jennifer walking among the half-naked men.
JUSTIN [OS]
What's she doing here?
DAPHNE
That's what I'm trying to tell you. I said you were here.
Justin has been backing up in shock. Jennifer sees him and time slows as their eyes meet. Several beats as they stare and then time snaps back and Justin is hurrying away.
JENNIFER
Justin! [follows, but loses him when he goes into the bathroom, sees Brian talking up Hottie]
Marvin is sitting at the bar talking to a guy and also sees Brian. Brian goes to leave, looking over his shoulder at Hottie. Marvin watches, smiling to himself.
CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Dining room. Lindsay leans in the doorway. Mel sits at the table, working.
LINDSAY
He's down.
MELANIE
He'll be up. [looks over] You look beat.
LINDSAY
[walks over] So do you. [sits in Mel's lap, kisses her] Coming to bed?
MELANIE
Soon. I gotta go over these briefs.
LINDSAY
Listen, about Friday...
MELANIE
Mmh hmm?
LINDSAY
You don't have any plans, do you? [runs her fingers over Mel's breasts]
MELANIE
Not that I know of.
LINDSAY
Not working late? [kisses Mel's cheek, mouth]
MELANIE
No.
LINDSAY
That's good. [Mel kisses her neck] Because I invited Brian for dinner.
MELANIE
Ohh, Christ!
LINDSAY
I thought I'd make that chicken you like.
MELANIE
Forget it, I wouldn't let him touch my silverware, knowing where his hands have been.
LINDSAY
Y'know, I wish the two of you would make the slightest effort to get along, so I don't have to be the smiling lesbian in the middle.
MELANIE
Who ask you to be? Just leave him out of my life.
LINDSAY
How can we? He's Gus's father.
MELANIE
As if I need to be reminded. Y'know, we're supposed to be an alternative family which means two mommies.
LINDSAY
[laughs] I'm the one with the subscription to Newsweek, I know what it means. Only there's nothing alternative about us. We're just as fucked up as any other family in the history of the world. [gently pulls Mel's head back and they look at each other]
MELANIE
So, what do you want?
LINDSAY
I wanna be a good mother. I wanna be with you. [they kiss] And I want you to give Brian a chance.
MELANIE
[moans, pulling away] Oh, you almost had me there.
LINDSAY
He's a good person.
MELANIE
[swats Lindsay's ass as she gets up] He's a selfish shithead. [walks into the living room]
LINDSAY
Maybe, but he's honest. He tells the truth, and he doesn't pretend.
MELANIE
Yeah, I wish he would try.
LINDSAY
I wish you would, too.
Melanie slowly pulls her shirt off. A look back and she drops it. Lindsay grins, moaning at being played but runs after her, swiping the shirt up as she goes by.
CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT
Door slides open. Brian walks in, followed by Hottie. Brian leans against the door while Hottie slides his hands under Brian's sweater.
HOTTIE
Oh man, I'm so horny. I want you to fuck me for hours. And I'm a top.
BRIAN
Yeah, that's what all the biggest bottoms say.
Justin appears in the doorway, flushed and out of breath.
BRIAN
Oh, fuck!
HOTTIE
Jesus, who's this?
BRIAN
That's the President of my fan club. [to Justin] What do you want?
JUSTIN
My mom's out of control. Now she's following me.
BRIAN
That must be an inherited trait.
JUSTIN
I'm not going home.
BRIAN
Well, you're not staying here.
JUSTIN
There's no where else I can go. Do you want me to sleep on the street? I could get killed.
HOTTIE
[gets in Justin's face, backing him up] Why you don't you get lost, you little asshole, I was here first.
BRIAN
[stops Hottie with a hand to his chest] Better yet, why don't you? Beat it. [shoves him out the door]
HOTTIE
[points] Fuck you!
BRIAN
Yeah, you're the bottom, remember? [slides the door shut]
JUSTIN
Thanks.
BRIAN
[sighs, annoyed, backs up into the living room] Look, I told you. I'm not your lover, I'm not your partner, I'm not even your friend. You're not anything to me.
JUSTIN
[walks toward him] I could be, if you gave me a chance.
BRIAN
[laughs] Where did you learn to talk like that? Watching some teen drama? [walks up the bedroom steps, starting to pull his sweater over his head]
JUSTIN
I need you!
Brian lets his hands fall before getting the sweater off. He spins around, agitated, and walks back to Justin.
BRIAN
No, you think you do, because that's what you're taught to think, 'we all need each other.' Well, it's a crock of shit. You're the only one you need, you're the only one you've got.
They stare at each other for a beat. Brian reaches out to palm Justin's cheek, pulling him in as if for a kiss. When Justin smiles, Brian steps back. Picks up the blanket from the back of the couch.
BRIAN
The couch. [shoves the blanket against Justin's chest] Just for tonight. And don't jerk off on it.
Justin cuts his eyes sideways, disappointed.
CUT TO: EXT. THE BIG Q - DAY
Employee entrance. Employees are arriving, others are standing and talking. Marley walks up and squeezes the ass of a guy.
MARLEY
Morning, sweet pea. [laughs and goes inside]
INT. THE BIG Q - DAY
Stock room. Michael is moving boxes, stiff and in pain. Tracy, carrying a box, walks up. Marley, putting on her work smock, approaches.
MICHAEL
God, I'm still stiff.
TRACY
[stacks her box with his] Stiffer than last night?
MARLEY
Hey, you two, let's keep it clean.
MICHAEL
We're talking about my neck.
MARLEY
You must have been doing more than inventory.
TRACY
Shut up, Marley, can't you see he's in pain?
MICHAEL
It's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
TRACY
Did you take something?
MICHAEL
[rubs his right shoulder] Yeah, like two bottles of Tylenol.
TRACY
That won't help. You need a chiropractor.
MICHAEL
No. I'm okay, really.
TRACY
A friend of mine's fiancé goes to someone who does some of the Steelers. He swears by him.
MICHAEL
It's not necessary!
TRACY
You need to take care of yourself. [runs his tie between her fingers] I can tell, you're not very good at that.
Michael gulps.
CUT TO: INT. RYDER ADVERTISING AGENCY - DAY
Spiral staircase. Cynthia looking up at Brian as he descends.
CYNTHIA
Ryder wants to see you.
BRIAN
Well, he can go fuck himself. He's pissed at me for not landing Telson. He wants to chew me a second asshole. [stops on the stairs]
CYNTHIA
[laughs] I always thought you could use one of those.
Brian laughs. Marvin appears behind Cynthia.
BRIAN
Marvin!
MARVIN
[smiles] I was just coming to see you.
Cynthia turns to go back down the stairs.
CYNTHIA
[to Brian] Well, I'll just be sure and give Mr. Ryder your message. [to Marvin] Excuse me. [leaves]
MARVIN
Hope you don't mind me dropping by.
BRIAN
[walks down to the landing a few steps below Marvin] Not at all. Although after yesterday I sort of got the impression--
MARVIN
Well, you know how misleading first impressions can be. After you get to know somebody, you discover just how much in common you actually have.
BRIAN
So, should we look at some ideas I have?
MARVIN
Great. Oh, and about this evening... I thought I might take you up on your offer to, uh... show me the town.
BRIAN
Well, I could have Cynthia make us some reservations. You like steaks? I know a great chophouse. And I could get us tickets for tonight's game.
MARVIN
Well, actually, I had a different sort of evening in mind. The sort of evening you might... plan for yourself.
BRIAN
And what sort of evening is that?
MARVIN
Well, y'know, one that's more... fun. Like this club I, uh, heard about, uh... Babylon?
BRIAN
Why, Marvin, you old dog. [slings an arm around Marvin's shoulders] Christ, isn't anyone straight anymore?
They walk down the stairs, Marvin chuckling.
CUT TO: INT. CHIROPRACTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Michael hangs his shirt over the head of a teaching skeleton. Wincing, he toes his shoes off. Rubbing his shoulder, he goes to sit on the exam table. The chiropractor, DR. DAVID CAMERON, walks in, a folder in hand.
DAVID
Hi, I'm, uh, I'm Dr. Cameron.
Michael stares, attracted.
DAVID
What seems to be the problem?
MICHAEL
Um, nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm fine.
David is reading from the folder. Michael shifts.
MICHAEL
[whispers] Ow.
David sets the folder on his desk. He walks over behind Michael.
DAVID
How'd you hurt yourself? [lays his hands on his shoulders]
MICHAEL
Um, I was working at the store, I'm the assistant manager at The--
David rolls up his sleeves before replacing his hands. Michael is enjoying the touch, but trying to play it cool as David continues the exam.
MICHAEL
--Big Q over on Butler. Uh, I accidentally fell.
DAVID
[soft] Hmm.
Michael closes his eyes.
DAVID
Okay. Turn to the left.
Michael turns his head as David digs a thumb into Michael's left shoulder.
DAVID
How's that feel?
MICHAEL
[blissed] Fine. [grins]
DAVID
To the right.
Michael starts to move, David digs his other thumb into the right shoulder.
MICHAEL
[groans] Uh.
DAVID
Uh-ah, right there, huh?
Michael gasps and nods.
DAVID
Can you lie down on your back?
MICHAEL
Hmm. Sure, on my back. [lays down]
Standing at his head, David holds his neck.
MICHAEL
This is my favorite position. I'm just kidding. [chuckles just when David cracks his neck to the right] Uhh.
CUT TO: INT. LIBERTY AVENUE DINER - DAY
Jennifer walks in, uncomfortable as she looks around. Goes to the far end of the counter where Deb is working.
DEB
If you're looking for Saks Fifth Avenue, honey, you took a wrong turn.
JENNIFER
Debbie?
DEB
[raises her hand] One and only.
JENNIFER
Um...
DEB
[grins in recognition] Hey, Sunshine's mom.
Jennifer looks away, still uncomfortable.
DEB
How's Justin?
JENNIFER
He didn't come home last night and I was hoping you might have seen him?
DEB
[solemn] Oh, no, sorry, uh, sweetie, I wish I had.
JENNIFER
[upset but smiles] Well, thanks, anyway. [turns to go]
DEB
[holds out a hand] Listen-- Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Let me, let me get you some coffee.
JENNIFER
[has her hand to her mouth to control her emotions then swallows, lowering it] I gave up coffee.
DEB
Of course you did. Well, how about some nice herbal tea, then, huh? Have a seat. C'mon! [gets a teabag box as Jennifer sits] Lesse, um, we got Lemon Cream...
Barely listening, Jennifer looks sick with worry.
DEB [OS]
...Raspberry Parfait, Cozy Chamomile... [camera on her fingers, we see her pull out a wrapped condom, then her frown] How'd the hell a condom get in here? [tosses it over her shoulder, then pulls a bag out] Here, Get Happy. [sets it on the counter] You need it. [gets a cup and hot water while Jennifer opens the teabag] So, what does dad say?
JENNIFER
He doesn't know.
DEB
How could he not know? You always know.
JENNIFER
The same reason I didn't. Didn't want to.
DEB
Believe me, there are far worst things.
JENNIFER
I just keep thinking it's my...
DEB [OS]
It's not.
JENNIFER
That I was...
DEB
You didn't.
JENNIFER
You don't even know what I was gonna say.
DEB
Yeah, I do. Cos I asked myself all the same things.
JENNIFER
So, you don't... think it was because I...
DEB [OS]
Smothered him? [leans on the counter, intense] You smother a pork chop, not a son. People are what they are. So, did he tell you to fuck off?
JENNIFER
[snorts softly, chin on her fist] Wasn't even the worst of it. He told his therapist that he likes-- [catches herself, then makes herself say it] Dick.
DEB
[straightens up from the counter, relieved] There, you see, you already have something in common. I'm sure you were thinking you'd have nothing to share again. [laughs]
Jennifer smiles weakly. Beat.
DEB
[solemn] Listen, they talk big and they act tough. But the truth is, the thing he's most afraid of - even more than his dad finding out and beating the shit outta him - is that you will stop loving him.
JENNIFER
I could never do that.
DEB
Then you be sure he knows he hasn't lost you.
Jennifer ponders that as the diner din takes over.
CUT TO: INT. CHIROPRACTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Michael on the exam table. David walks over.
DAVID
Cross your hands over your chest. Good. Bring your knees up.
Michaels does. David leans down and cradles him. Michael looks dreamy as David feels along his spine.
DAVID
First time here at a chiropractor?
MICHAEL
Yeah, but if I'd known it was gonna to be like this, I would have come sooner.
David does a quick move and we hear Michael's back crack.
MICHAEL
[startled] UHH!
DAVID
[lays him back down and stands up, all business] Good. Legs down. We'll stretch. [Chest against Michael's bent leg and hands braced on his shoulders, David leans forward and stretches the leg toward Michael's chest. Michael groans long and loud, sex-like.] Am I hurting you?
MICHAEL
Not at all.
DAVID
[stands up] Okay. Roll over.
Michael hurries to comply. David grabs his legs and slams them into a straighter position. Michael grunts. David climbs onto the table in straddle position. David lays over him, tugging down on his shoulders to crack them while Michael groans in bliss.
DAVID
How that feel?
MICHAEL
Ohh, yeah. [bites his lip]
DAVID
[gets up] Well, I think you're suffering from a pre-existing condition that was just aggravated by that fall. [walks to his desk for a file]
Michael realizes he has an erection.
DAVID
[talking about his back] You give it a little time and some rest. Let the swelling go down.
Michael lets his head fall back onto the table, mortified.
MICHAEL
[muffled] Right.
DAVID
You, uh, you might want to put some ice on it.
MICHAEL
Good idea.
DAVID
Okay, you can get up.
MICHAEL
Um, if it's okay with you, I'd like to just lie here for a couple minutes.
DAVID
[looks up, concerned] Is there something wrong? Something I should look at or--?
MICHAEL
No! No, um, I feel great. [rolls his eyes, sighs] Too great.
Beat.
DAVID
[gets up] Don't be embarrassed. [smacks his back with the file on the way out] Happens all the time. Even to football players.
The door shuts and Michael slumps, then has to shift a hand under himself to get comfortable. Nose in the table, he shakes his head.
CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Upside down aerial shot of the green-glowing stage as we scan a row of men with their pants down, showing their asses to a cheering/clapping crowd. The EMCEE, a drag queen holding a ruler, pokes her head through the legs of one of the contestants.
EMCEE
Seven and three quarter inches.
Crowd cheers as we pull up to the catwalk where Brian and Marvin are leaning on the railing, watching the action. Down below, a banner reads: The Big Big Dick Contest. The emcee stands.
EMCEE
Oh, come on, guys, let's get it up for him!
Crowd cheers louder.
MARVIN
[pulls out his wallet and shows Brian a photo] That's Thomas, he's seventeen, he's going into Harvard this fall. [another photo and we see Brian's holding a drink] And this is Trish, she's twelve. She loves soccer.
BRIAN
[laughs] This has got to be a first. [Marvin grunts in question] Family photos at Babylon.
Their attention is drawn to the stage when the emcee makes a shocked sound.
EMCEE
What is this? Five and an eighth. [talks to the crowd while the kid pulls up his pants] Now, now, contestants are reminded that they must be at least 6 inches. [leans back to the kid] Uh, that is the rule of thumb. And quite frankly, I've seen bigger thumbs.
Everyone laughs.
MARVIN
Oh, I married young, before I knew. Went into the family business. By the time I realized what I was, it was too late to change things. I love my wife. And my kids. Why should I destroy all that?
BRIAN
So, you 'take care of business' while you're away taking care of business.
MARVIN
Exactly.
BRIAN
You're a smart man, Marvin.
MARVIN
You're a smart man, too. The question is, how smart.
Brian looks at him, then back to the stage.
EMCEE [OS]
Ten and five-sixteenths... [raises a contestant's arm] We have a winner!
Crowd cheers and starts to dance onstage.
BRIAN
So, is there anyone here you'd like to meet? I... happen to know the winner.
MARVIN
[shakes his head, amused] No, not my type. However, there is somebody I'm interested in.
BRIAN
[smirks] Yeah? Who?
Marvin gives him a long look. The camera pulls back as Brian takes a drink.
CUT TO: EXT. CITY ROAD - DAY
Brian and Michael driving in the Jeep, the top down.
MICHAEL
That's sexual harassment.
BRIAN
Yeah, remind me to press charges.
MICHAEL
What does he look like?
BRIAN
Like the kind of guy that if he wagged his dick in front of you, you wouldn't look twice. But if he dangled his account in front of you, you... might consider it.
MICHAEL
You're kidding. You wouldn't actually do...
Rearview mirror POV: Brian looks sideways at him.
MICHAEL
Would you?
BRIAN
Well, considering some of the other things I've done.
MICHAEL
Yeah, but that was for fun. You've never done anything like this.
Beat. Michael looks at him.
BRIAN
[laughs] You're so beautifully naïve, Mikey. It's business. You fuck or you get fucked.
MICHAEL
Yeah, only which end are you on?
CUT TO: EXT. ST. JAMES ACADEMY - DAY
In her Lincoln, Jennifer slowly drives along the sidewalk. Spotting Justin talking to two boys, she stops and talks through the side window.
JENNIFER
Justin?
The boys leave. Justin follows, slower; Jennifer keeps pace in the car.
JENNIFER
Honey, please. I thought you might like to come with me.
JUSTIN
[stops and faces her] Where, to see another shrink?
JENNIFER
It's a surprise.
JUSTIN
I'm not interested. [resumes walking]
JENNIFER
[parks the car, gets out] You stop right there!
Justin smirks and keeps walking.
JENNIFER
Stop running from me, because I'm not running from you! I'm still your mother and you're still my son and I still love you.
Justin has stopped and turned halfway around to stare at her solemnly. She holds his gaze, shrugs a little.
CUT TO: INT. THE BIG Q - DAY
We follow a kid on a Razor scooter to the fake flower aisle. Michael has four hanging plants dangling off his hand when a grinning Tracy plops a huge wrapped basket in his arms.
MICHAEL
[laughs] What's this?
TRACY
A get well basket! Bengay, aspirin, hot-water bottle, [takes the plants from him as they walk] everything you need for a pulled muscle.
MICHAEL
That's really nice of you, Tracy.
TRACY
'At Big Q, we guarantee full money back if you're not completely satisfied.'
Michael laughs as they stop, just as David appears.
DAVID
I hope you won't be needing all that.
MICHAEL
Ohh, hi!
DAVID
Hi. How's your neck?
MICHAEL
Uh, it's still a little sore, but, uh, much better, yeah. I think you did the trick.
DAVID
Good to hear.
MICHAEL
Uh, Tracy, this is Dr. Cameron, the chiropractor you send me to.
Tracy smiles.
DAVID
Thanks for the referral, Tracy.
They shake hands.
TRACY
Thanks for taking care of Mike. Well, I should go and take care of my cash register. Bye! [leaves]
The guys chuckle, start walking.
DAVID
She's cute.
MICHAEL
[distracted] Yeah. [laugh] What a coincidence running into you here.
DAVID
Well, it's not really a coincidence, you told me where you worked, remember?
MICHAEL
Oh, yeah. Right. Well, it's really nice, coming all this way just to see how I am.
DAVID
Nothing is more important than my patient's health and well-being. I also wanted to get a new screwdriver.
MICHAEL
[self-mocking professional voice] Oh, well, let me show you where the hardware department is. We have a complete line of tools, all at our every day low prices.
They stop walking.
DAVID
And I, uh, wanted to ask you if you'd like to have dinner with me.
MICHAEL
Huh?
DAVID
Dinner. Y'know, where you sit at a table and eat food from a plate.
Michael stares, stunned.
MARLEY [OS]
Mike.
Michael turns as an exasperated Marley joins them, pointing down the aisle.
MARLEY
There are these two brats climbing up the soft drink display! [realizes David's there when he chuckles and stares]
MICHAEL
Sounds like a job for Superman, I'll be right there!
David chuckles again. Marley grins back and walks backwards a bit to stare at him as she leaves.
DAVID
So, whadda say?
MICHAEL
About what?
DAVID
I think I just asked you out.
MICHAEL
[surprised] You mean, you're...?
DAVID
[nods] Yeah. [beat] I hope... I hope you are, too.
MICHAEL
[shifts his weight, leans in close, whispers] I have to be really careful, no one here knows. [beat, quick glance around] How did you?
DAVID
[low voice] Remember that little problem you had on my table?
MICHAEL
Yeah, but you said that even happens to football players.
DAVID
[low voice] Only the gay ones.
Beat. They laugh.
CUT TO: INT. ART MUSEUM - DAY
A gallery. Justin and Jennifer (carrying his uniform jacket) enter.
JENNIFER
Justin, I have so missed coming here with you. Van Goghs and Hoppers. Y'know, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be an artist.
Justin gives her a bitch, please look. She startles, touches his arm.
JENNIFER
I mean, I encouraged you. [she laughs, relieved, when he smiles] Hey, after we're done, you want to share a piece of that incredible chocolate cake, like we used to?
JUSTIN
[shrug] Yeah, sure.
Jennifer walks over to a painting of a mother holding her fair-haired child on her lap.
JENNIFER
Oh, Justin, look, my favorite. Remember?
Justin's attention is distracted by an ART STUDENT entering the room.
JUSTIN
Nah...
Camera slows as Art Student and Justin share a mutually interested look.
JENNIFER [OS]
Fell in love with this when I was pregnant with you. Even put in on your birth announcement.
Art Student walks away, pausing to throw a let's go head tilt Justin's way.
JUSTIN
Mom, I gotta use the bathroom.
JENNIFER
[staring at the painting] Okay, honey, I'll be right here.
Justin walks away. Jennifer sits at the bench directly across the painting. Casual glance to the right and she sees Justin disappear with Art Student. Her face falls.
INT. BATHROOM
Justin and Art Student go into a stall, kissing. Art Student's outer shirt comes off.
INT. GALLERY
Jennifer stares at the painting. Close-up of the painting.
INT. BATHROOM
Justin and Art Student making out. Art Student undoes Justin's pants.
INT. GALLERY
Jennifer glances down, smiles sadly.
INT. BATHROOM
Justin helps pull down Art Student's pants far enough to get a hand on his bare ass. Justin pulls the stall door closed.
CUT TO: INT. MICHAEL'S APARTMENT - DAY
Michael is laying on the couch, reading a comic book. Ted is eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. Emmett is giving Ted a pedicure.
EMMETT
[grins] A doctor?
MICHAEL
A chiropractor.
EMMETT
All that counts is a little white jacket at a comfortable mid-thigh length. It's every mother's dream.
MICHAEL
Just be sure not to tell mine. I don't need her to know every time I go out.
TED
Every time you go out is once a year.
MICHAEL
Thanks for keeping count.
TED
Accounting is my life.
EMMETT
So, what's he like?
MICHAEL
[shrugs] Old.
TED
What's old?
MICHAEL
Older than you. Probably... forty?
TED
[nose wrinkle] That is old.
EMMETT
On the other hand, they don't come as quick and they have a lots of money. So, where's he taking you?
MICHAEL
Some place called Papagano.
Emmett's mouth opens in shock. Ted chokes, clanging his spoon.
TED
I hope he's paying.
MICHAEL
Is it expensive?
TED
A medium priced entrée is more than your tax return.
MICHAEL
Shit!
EMMETT
What're you wearing?
MICHAEL
I don't know... [glances down] ...this?
EMMETT
[laugh-snort] Okay, a doctor is taking you to the one of the most expensive restaurants in Pittsburgh and you're going like that? Yeah, not in this universe. [walks to the couch] As a men's apparel professional, it is my sworn duty to make sure you are properly attired. Now put down Captain America and come with me. [tosses the comic aside, pulls Michael into the bedroom]
TED
[realizing his pedicure has been abandoned, lifts his foot out of a pan of water] I'm soaking here!
CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY
Shot of Brian's jean-clad legs and bare feet as he slides the door open. On the other side, the camera travels up a pair of orange pants to a blue leopard-print shirt and finally Michael's unhappy face. He clomps in while Brian stands stunned, sliding the door closed. Michael looks over his shoulder and sees Brian is smirk-laughing.
MICHAEL
Oh, shut up!
BRIAN
[bare-chested, walks over, hand held out] Who did this thing to you? Ah, let me guess, Emmett de La Renta. [circles, looking him up and down]
MICHAEL
Shoulda just worn my jeans, but he said, 'No, you can't go on a date like that...'
BRIAN
[stops] You've got a date?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
BRIAN
[grins] A date? [hugs him] Mikey's got a date!
MICHAEL
I'm gonna call and cancel.
BRIAN
[releases him] The fuck you are.
MICHAEL
Well, I can't go like this!
Both look down at his outfit.
BRIAN
You're right. [wanders off to a stack of shopping bags sitting around and hanging on his treadmill, digs into a bag and pulls out a black sweater, tossing it to him] Here, try this.
MICHAEL
[frowns] You sure?
BRIAN
I've got a dozens of them.
MICHAEL
[walks over to the full-length mirror, pulling his shirt off] It's weird going on a date.
BRIAN
[jogs to the bedroom] Make sure he opens the car door for you, and pulls your chair out.
MICHAEL
That's what I mean. It's so... hetero. [pulls the sweater on, wrinkles his nose] Have you ever been on a real date?
BRIAN
[black clothes in both hands, contemplates from the swinging doors] Once. I ended up fucking the waiter. [tosses him a leather jacket]
MICHAEL
I don't know what to do or say.
BRIAN
[jumps down] Just be yourself. [pulls on a black tank top]
MICHAEL
That should make the evening fly by. [sigh] Why can't we just fast forward to the sex?
BRIAN
[laughs as Michael pulls off the orange pants] The point of a date, or so it's been explained to me by those who do that sort of thing, is that you actually get to know the other person before you fuck them.
MICHAEL
[pulls on black pants as Brian holds out the jacket] What a dumb idea! What if you don't like them?
BRIAN
Worst yet, what if you do? [helps Michael with the jacket]
MICHAEL
Sleeves are too long.
BRIAN
[helps rolls up the sleeves] That's better. So, who is this guy?
MICHAEL
[rolls his eyes/head, walks to the mirror as Brian follows] No one! I don't even know why I said yes. I guess I just felt sorry for him.
BRIAN
Ah, a mercy fuck, huh?
MICHAEL
Who says I'm fucking him?
BRIAN
Well, if he's buying you an expensive dinner, you're gonna have to put out.
Mirror POV: Brian moves behind Michael, tugging on the jacket front, then putting his arms around him.
BRIAN
And this should do the trick. Make him want to do the Trick. [leans his chin on Michael's shoulder, while Michael straightens his own hair] So what do you think?
MICHAEL
I think I look like you.
BRIAN
[pulls Michael around to face him] You look fantastic. [grips Michael's neck with both hands] You are fantastic. [kisses him on the lips] Remember that, Mikey. [Michael nods minutely, Brian walks him to the door] Now you better go. You don't wanna be late.
MICHAEL
What about you? What are you up to tonight?
They stop at the door.
BRIAN
I'm entertaining a client.
MICHAEL
You're not gonna go through with it.
BRIAN
[slides the door open] You're so cute. It'll be over before you know it. [pushes him out with an ass swat]
Brian closes the door. Stands a moment, then walks to the mirror and takes a long look at himself.
CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - DAY
Dining room. Close-up of a burned-down candle as we follow the camera across a nicely set dinner table. Lindsay, sitting, reaches for a green olive. Behind her, Melanie watches then strolls in, snagging something crunchy (a breadstick?). They're both dressed up.
MELANIE
How long can you keep the chicken warm?
LINDSAY
It's fine, I wrapped it in foil.
MELANIE
Sounds like my mom's recipe: cook for one week, remove all flavor, eat. [Lindsay gets up, Mel holds her] Hey. Might as well face it, honey, he's not gonna show up.
LINDSAY
You know Brian, he's always...
MELANIE
...fashionably late? When will you ever learn? [kisses her cheek, strokes her hair]
Lindsay sighs, then walks away. Mel finishes her food then blows the candle out.
CUT TO: INT. HOTEL - NIGHT
Brian in a leather jacket slo-mo walking around a corner and down the hallway, dreading every step. Stops at room 1213 and lifts a fist to knock when the doors swing open and a bellboy comes out. Normal speed resumes as we see Marvin standing just inside the door, on the phone.
MARVIN
[covers the mouthpiece] I wasn't sure you'd come.
BRIAN
[faces the camera as he turns to close the doors] I always come when I say I'm going to.
CUT TO: INT. PAPAGANOS - NIGHT
Romantic restaurant: low lighting, soft music, candles, well-dressed couples. David and Michael sit at a table, the waiter to the side.
DAVID
We'll have a bottle Chateau Cheval Blanc '97.
MICHAEL
Uh, I'll have a Diet Pepsi.
WAITER
Certainly.
DAVID
Is that Hugo Boss?
MICHAEL
[looks behind him as he puts his napkin on his lap] Where?!
DAVID
[points] Your jacket.
MICHAEL
[drop his chin, laughs] Oh... [looks down, checking it out, then up again] Um, yep. It's... it's not even mine. Belongs to my friend Brian.
DAVID
I bet he doesn't look half as good in it as you.
MICHAEL
He looks better.
DAVID
Find that hard to believe.
Michael rolls his eyes a little, embarrassed. The waiter arrives with the drinks.
MICHAEL
He can look good in anything. He even looks good in nothing.
DAVID
Good body?
MICHAEL
Awesome. When he walk into Babylon, heads turn like police lights just to look at him.
DAVID
Sounds like I could make a fortune doing neck adjustments.
MICHAEL
[chuckles as he sips his Pepsi through the straw] Everybody wants him.
DAVID
Do you?
MICHAEL
[laughs] Me, no. He's my best friend... since high school. We'd never...
DAVID
Good. I was starting to get jealous. [nods to give the waiter the sign to pop the wine's cork]
MICHAEL
Don't worry. Besides, he's not even interested in me.
WAITER
Sir? [presents the cork to David]
DAVID
I'm surprised. I'd think it would be very easy to be interested in you. [inhales deeply the cork's aroma]
The waiter pours a test glass. David twirls his and takes a drink. Michael watches.
DAVID
Excellent.
The waiter fills his glass, sets the bottle down.
MICHAEL
[lifts his Pepsi, to waiter] This is excellent, too. [David chuckles as Michael sips away on the straw, then sets his glass down] You know a lot about wine, huh?
DAVID
I have a collection. I just bought a bottle of '61 Petrus on eBay.
MICHAEL
Oh my God, you go on eBay?! You would not believe what I just got. A May 1960 Flash from the Silver Age, 'The Mystery Of The Elongated Man.' I have been looking for this for years. [reels himself in when David looks lost] Uh, it's a... it's a comic book. I have a collection.
DAVID
Well, you're obviously very passionate about it.
MICHAEL
It's like, every time I find one, I'm a kid again up in my old room.
DAVID
The Mystery Of The Perpetual Boy. [Michael nods with a smile, David raises his glass] To The Flash.
MICHAEL
[smiles as they toast] The Flash.
David drinks and Michael lip-wrestles his straw into his mouth.
CUT TO: INT. HOTEL - NIGHT
Marvin walks away from the dining cart, champagne/glass in hand. Brian stands in the middle of the room, his leather jacket gone.
MARVIN
Go on, take it off. Everything. [sits in a chair]
Brian quickly peels off his tank top and tosses it aside with a resigned sigh. Gets the first button on his jeans undone when Marvin makes a halting noise.
MARVIN
Wait, could you... go a little slower?
BRIAN
You want a show?
MARVIN
[smile-nod] Uh huh.
BRIAN
Sure... why not. [slowly unbuttons his jeans, Marvin watching avidly, just about to push them down off his hips--]
MARVIN
Stop. [sets his glass on the table beside him, walks to stand in front of Brian] You have a beautiful body.
BRIAN
[long suffering eye roll] I know.
Marvin goes to his knees. Pushes Brian's pants down with a small grunt. Just as he's about to lean into Brian's crotch, the phone rings. He sighs and hovers, breathing deeply. Phone keeps ringing.
BRIAN
You gonna get that?
MARVIN
Shit! [crawls to the phone as Brian pulls his jeans all the way off] Ow. Yes? [sharply] What is it? Well, how is she? Is she badly hurt? [has gotten to his feet]
Behind him, a nude Brian has made himself comfortable in the chair with the champagne, feet up on the table.
MARVIN
Look, you're gonna hafta handle it. I'm in a meeting.
Zoom in toward Brian who looks away at the lie.
MARVIN
No, there's no way I can leave.
Brian takes a slug from the bottle.
MARVIN
Look, I just told you. I've got too much going on. Look, tell her I love her.
Brian looks at himself in a mirror across from him.
MARVIN
And I'll be home tomorrow, okay?
Brian takes another drink, sets the bottle aside. Marvin hangs up, turns around. Sighs, gazes at Brian.
MARVIN
So where were we?
BRIAN
Someone hurt?
MARVIN
[makes his way to Brian on his knees] Yeah, it was my daughter, she broke her arm playing basketball.
BRIAN
Sounds serious.
MARVIN
She'll be all right.
BRIAN
She was asking for you. She wants you to come home.
MARVIN
It's all right. She'll understand.
BRIAN
What, that you're down on your knees sucking cock?
MARVIN
[half-laughs, hands up] Look, there's nothing that I can do, anyway. [reaches for Brian's cock]
BRIAN
[catches his wrist mid-air] I can. [sitting up, Brian releases Marvin's hand and picks up the phone, leaning in toward Marvin's face as he speaks to the front desk] Could you prepare Mr. Telson's bill? He'll be checking out immediately. Could you have a car waiting to take him to the airport? [hangs up, smiling] Your visit to Queer World's over, Marvin. You better go back to your wife, your kids, and your thirty million dollar a year business. [grips Marvin's shirt collar] You'd be a fool to throw that away. [gets up]
MARVIN
[tight smile] Y'know, you're not as smart as I thought. [moves to the chair, reclaiming his glass] What are you going to tell Ryder when he asks why you didn't get the account?
At the door, Brian stands nude, his back to him. Jeans: over his left shoulder. Boots: in his left hand. Jacket and tank top: in his right hand.
BRIAN
[over his shoulder] I'll tell him we couldn't provide the services you required. [strolls out nude, leaving the door open]
CUT TO: EXT. MICHAEL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Car pulls up. David cuts the engine.
MICHAEL
I had a really nice time.
DAVID
So did I.
MICHAEL
Thanks for dinner.
DAVID
My pleasure.
MICHAEL
So, you wanna come up?
DAVID
Oh, I can't, I've... I've got my first patient at 7:30.
Michael moves in for a passionate kiss. Michael starts to go down on him. David resists, pushing Michael's forehead back up.
DAVID
Hey, what're you doing?
MICHAEL
I thought... I mean, don't you wanna...
DAVID
I asked you out cos I wanted to get to know you better. Not because I wanted a quick fuck. Look, I'll call you.
Michael nods. David leans across him to open the door. Michael gets out and David drives off, Michael watching him go.
CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Dancing crowd. Go-go boys are cowboys, cops, sailors. Aerial shot of Ted, beer in hand, talking to a vendor-type with a tray of cigarettes etc. She moves on just as Emmett and Michael join him.
EMMETT
[arm around Ted] I knew you couldn't stay away!
TED
I'm just strictly here as an observer.
MICHAEL
Yeah, so what else is new. [steals Ted's beer]
EMMETT
Hmn, somebody musta eaten something that disagreed with him.
MICHAEL
[walks behind Ted to Em's side] It was a complete waste of time. He paid for dinner and he didn't even want to fuck.
EMMETT
Maybe he has a prostate problem. Or only one testicle.
Ted makes several grabs for his beer back from Michael before success.
MICHAEL
Or maybe he doesn't like me.
TED
Why wouldn't he like you? [wipes the bottle's mouth with his shirt]
MICHAEL
Same reason as everybody else. I'm not Brian!
EMMETT
That is such bullshit!
Michael walks back around Em's back and Ted loses sight of him.
TED
He musta liked... [starts again as Michael comes back into view] He musta liked you. Why else would he ask you out?
MICHAEL
[sharply] I don't know.
TED
It's just your own insecurities.
EMMETT
Maybe he's the old fashioned type. Doesn't fuck [squeezes Ted's chest, who squirms] until the second date.
MICHAEL
Well, I don't care! [steals Ted's beer again] I'm gonna go find somebody who wants me! [walks away through the crowd]
CUT TO: EXT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Brian knocks on the door. Inside, the lights go on.
INT. THE HOUSE
Lindsay, in her pajamas, walks to the door. She slides one curtain aside to peer out.
EXT. THE HOUSE
LINDSAY
The kitchen's closed. [slides the curtain shut]
Brian knocks again.
INT. THE HOUSE
Lindsay stops in mid-stride away. Bites her lip, sighs, and goes back to the door. Opening it, she leans against the doorframe as Brian puts his finger to his front teeth.
BRIAN
Were you sleeping?
LINDSAY
We have a newborn here. We never sleep.
BRIAN
Sorry I missed dinner.
LINDSAY
Don't apologize. It doesn't become you. [walks away] And don't think you can flash that smile and get away with it. That might have been cute at twenty, but at thirty, it's starting to get pathetic.
Brian follows her in, shutting the door. He goes from lips-in-his-mouth to a grin.
BRIAN
Twenty-nine.
LINDSAY
[softens, rolls her eyes] Have you eaten?
BRIAN
No.
LINDSAY
Come on.
CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Backroom, green glow, sounds of fucking/sucking. Michael appears, men notices him as he walks the room. One TRICK stands apart, staring.
CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Lindsay, holding a plate of food, comes into the living room, freezes when she sees Brian laying on the couch, Gus on his chest. Bites her lip and watches. Brian strokes Gus's back, the baby's head against his mouth.
CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Michael stops in front of Trick, exuding confidence and sexuality. Trick goes to his knees, kisses Michael's stomach, then stands and leans into Michael's right ear.
TRICK
You're fantastic.
Michael smirks. Trick goes back down, starts sucking.
CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Brian has fallen asleep holding Gus.
CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Close-up of Michael's face/eyes as he gets sucked.
FADE TO BLACK.
